Parenting: The Whole-Brain Child

Summary

An integrated brain is the foundation of resilience and well-adjusted children. The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel J. Sigel and Tina Payne Bryson breaks down 12 simple and easy-to-master strategies that will help you respond more effectively to difficult situations with your child, and build a foundation for strong social, emotional and mental health.

You should read this book to better understand how to turn the everyday “survival” moments as parents into thrive moments, where the important and meaningful work and connecting of parenting can take place.

Never forget that we parents can provide the kinds of experiences for our children that will help them develop a resilient and well-integrated brain!

Detailed Write Up

My Financial Habit: Homemade Clean Juices and Green Smoothies

Purpose of this article: (1) to show the average retail markup on Green Smoothies and Clean Juices, (2) a solution to save money by making these items at home, and (3) the financial decision making concept of payback period.

Overview

About a year and a half ago I go a NutriBullet PRO, and like most gifts like this, I planned to make the “most out of it”. Unfortunately much like my Latte Habit, I continued to buy store made smoothies from the variety of shops we have here in Charlotte.

Fast forward to 2020, and the resulting shutdown due to COVID-19, and store bought smoothies suddenly became obsolete. Life has a funny way of sometimes making and/or forcing you to appreciate the things you have. And the global pandemic did exactly that for my NutriBullet PRO.

Since pretty much the start of lockdown in March of 2020, my wife and I have adopted a daily Green Smoothie habit; brought to us by none other than the same NutriBullet PRO that originally sat in the kitchen pantry gathering dust. What started as a simple trial has now blossomed into a daily enterprise of good health decisions: (1) a daily green smoothie from our NutriBullet followed by (2) a clean juice from our Aicok Juicer:

The following is my attempt to calculate the financial benefits that have accrued to us as a result of switching to home made green smoothies and clean juice.

Estimated Cost of a Homemade Green Smoothie & Juice

Our two go-to recipes for green smoothies and clean juice are as follows:

Using the menu of one of my favorite smoothie and juice establishments here in Charlotte I get an average retail price of $6.75 and $8.25 for smoothies and juices respectively. This represents a markup of +176% to $253% on average!!!

Use the Concept of Payback Period to Evaluate

When deciding whether or not to buy a new machine for our house, analyzing the payback period can be an effective financial decision making tool. Most of the time when considering such investments or purchase decisions, the time value of money should be applied to your analysis. This simply means that you should consider the fact that your money today is worth more than that same sum of money in the future due to the fact that your money today can earn interest or a return.

Sometimes though when the investment decision is simple and involves relatively smaller sums of money, analysis of the payback period can be a suitable alternative. The payback period is the amount of time it takes you to recover the initial cost of an investment or purchase. You calculate this by dividing the amount of the original investment by the annual cash flow or net benefit (in the case of my green smoothie/juice machines) derived from the investment.

Using the concept of payback period, lets analyze my Green Smoothie and Juice Machines:

Besides the obvious health benefits of our daily Green Smoothie and Clean Juice habit, the financial implications are immense. After investing in a NutriBullet Pro, it will take roughly 21 days of Green Smoothies to payback the cost of the machine.

By contrast yet still positive, after investing in an Aicok Juicer, it will take roughly 47 days of Clean Juices to payback the cost of the machine.

There is just no denying how value add both machines have been to our lives both from a health standpoint and a financial standpoint. It’s a no brainer given how quickly both machines payback the original cost when compared to purchasing these items at retail stores.

After 21 days of consistent use this bad boy pays for itself.
Targeting 47 days of use to recoup our cost.

In Pursuit of the Growth-Mindset

Introduction

Do you believe that ability is fixed and needs to be proven? Or do you believe that ability can be developed through learning? Most of us would agree with the second statement. Yet in Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, Carol Dweck proves time and time again we humans often live in a fixed mindset (statement one), and often do so without even knowing it.

At the heart of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, is a detailed walkthrough of two types of views you can adopt for yourself: (1) the fixed mindset and (2) the growth-mindset. Under the fixed mindset, you believe your qualities and that of others is cared in stone and this creates an urgency to prove yourself over and over. Under the growth-mindset, you believe that your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts, your strategies, and ultimately through learning. Each mindset can have profound affects on the way you lead your life and view life in general. The following blog post will unpack some of the things I learned through reading this book.

Inside the Mindsets

When you think of yourself under the eye of each mindset, you quickly realize that there are two meanings to everything the happens in life. Better said, there are two ways of seeing every interaction or happening… Two sides of the same coin. The following chart details the differences in mindsets across a few domains of life:

While far from exhaustive, the two lists above show pretty clearly that the fixed-mindset is limiting by its very nature. Yet Carol Dweck shows in her book that time and time again we have a hard time avoiding the fixed-mindset even though we understand that it hampers our ability to live our best life.

Don’t Buy Talent, Buy The Growth-Mindset

Sports has a funny way of helping us see things clearly (and often times less clearly [insert smiley face). When we think about the greatest athletes of all time in each of their domains, we don’t believe they got to their greatest heights by talent alone.

From Michael Jordan to Tiger Woods to Babe Ruth and back to Wilma Rudolph, we intellectually understand that talent + relentless hard work is the ultimate recipe for their success. Yet in our day to day lives, we shun this idea, oftentimes without even realizing. Malcolm Gladwell suggests that this happens because people prize natural endowment over earned ability. As much as our culture talks about individual effort and self-improvement, deep down, he argues, we revere the naturals.

The fixed-mindset can trick us into believing that natural talent should not need effort. In fact, those with the fixed-mindset even go as far as to think that effort in general is for the others, the less endowed. Carried away with their superiority, “these naturals” with the fixed-mindset never ask for help and never learn how to work hard nor cope with setbacks. This way of thinking can contribute to very negative outcomes Take a look at the following two images with quotes from two of the world’s greatest champions in sports:

Source: https://images.app.goo.gl/kdJcXXpyLBmcDAWW7
Source: https://images.app.goo.gl/javfLeDWQx2T4AWx7

Both Tiger Woods and Michael Jordan, two of the greatest athletes of all-time, clearly exhibit the growth-mindset. They stand out because of their commitment and effort to honing their craft. And this is the key to their overall success. People with the growth mindset think it’s nice to have talent, but that’s just the starting point.

Long-Term Corporate Health Needs Growth-Mindset Leadership

Evidence shows time and again, leaders with the fixed-mindset over the long-term lead organizations astray. From Lee Iacocca to Albert Dunlap, back to Ken Lay and Jeff Skilling, and over to Steve Cash and Jerry Levin, these fixed-mindset leaders fostered cultures of big egos, blind heroism, and entitlement, which eroded their company cultures and destroyed their chances at long-term sustainable corporate health.

Fixed-mindset leaders want to be the only big fish so they stifle others to make them feel a cut above the rest. These leaders foster environments full of negative assessments, stereotypes, and often prejudices that put their employees in the fixed-mindset ultimately holding them back from success. Instead of learning, growing, and moving the company forward, everyone within is more worried about being judged. This is why fixed-mindset leadership is so detrimental for long-term corporate health.

In contrast to these fixed-mindset heroes, stand growth-mindset leaders in action like Jack Welch, Lou Gerstner, and Anne Mulcahy that focused all their efforts in establishing cultures focused on learning, growth, and collaboration, not individual brilliance. Organizations steeped in the growth-mindset embody a zest for teaching and learning, an openness to giving and receiving feedback, and an ability to confront and surmount obstacles.

Working Towards a Growth-Mindset

Whether you are a parent, business leader, coach, spouse, or athlete, working towards the growth-mindset will have meaningful impact in your life. But how do we actually instill these principles in our lives? And how do we maintain the growth-mindset once “we get there?”

Moving towards a growth-mindset takes plenty of time and effort to achieve and maintain so it’s important to first understand this right at the outset. The growth-mindset starts with believing that all people can develop their abilities. This belief in people’s ability to grow and learn is the heart of the growth-mindset. Changing one’s mindset towards the growth-mindset also starts with a deep appreciation for hard work, trying new strategies, and consistently seeking input from others.

When you face setbacks, the growth-mindset is about responding with interest and treating these setbacks as opportunities for learning. In short, moving from a fixed-mindset to the growth-mindset is all about embracing all the things that have felt threatening: challenge, struggle, criticism, and setbacks.

Changing your mindset isn’t about picking up a few pointers here and there. It’s about seeing things in a new way. Embracing the growth-mindset is a way of life that will change you from a judge-and-be-judged framework to a learn-and-help-learn framework. It’s a journey that takes time but as Carol Dweck proves time and time again in her book, it’s a journey that is well worth taking.

In summary, the growth mindset looks a bit like this:

Source: Drawing by Nigel Holmes

The Extras

Brian Nwokedi’s Book Review on Goodreads

Direct Link to Book: Mindset: The New Psychology of Success

Amazon Link to Book: Buy Here

Ted Talk: The Power of Believing that you can Improve

Follow on Twitter: Mindset Works

Is it Actually All Written in the Stars?

Introduction

“Knowing who we are is hard. It’s hard. Eliminate who you are not, first, and you’re going to find yourself where you need to be… The race is never over, the journey has no port. The adventure never ends, because we are always on the way.” [1]

Regardless of how enlightened we think we are, we all struggle to better understand ourselves. And this struggle leads to a lot of personal discontent in our lives. Recently, I was given a copy of The Only Astrology Book You’ll Ever Need by a good friend of mine who is way more in touch with the occult than I am. 

Historically, my only interactions with the subject of astrology were usually in the form of modern day horoscope columns in mainstream magazines and newspapers. From these columns, I understood that I was a hardworking Virgo but I never really thought much more than that. In reality, astrology has way more to offer than a weekly horoscope from Cosmopolitan.  

Astrology is defined as a pseudoscience that claims to divine information about human affairs and terrestrial events by studying the movements and relative positions of celestial objects (usually the planets and stars). When you break that down more simply, at its core, astrology offers you a different compass or lens into who you are. If you are willing to do the work to find and analyze your Birth Chart, astrology can help you find some deeper insights into who you are. 

Looking to the Heavens from Earth

Because each entity in our solar system moves at a different speed and rate, and in a separate path or orbit, the combination of the placement of the planets are almost endless. At the moment of your birth, the Sun, Moon, and planets were in a particular arrangement in the heavens. This exact arrangement will not be repeated for 4.32 million years!

Astrology analyzes how the Sun, Moon, and planets in their specific arrangements interact with one another to shape the various aspects in your life, ultimately helping to answer questions about yourself. Since astrology takes an Earth-centric view of the cosmos, the 10 celestial bodies (planets) of astrology are the Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto. And each planet represents a different set of characteristics and qualities which rule over different parts of our lives. The following picture depicts the 10 celestial bodies of astrology and the characteristics each governs/rules over:

Every single person has the same 10 planets in their astrological birth chart, but each with varying power and influence. And each planet expresses themselves uniquely based on the zodiac sign they were located in at the time of your birth.

A Personal Look at My Birth Chart

Using Cafe Astrology.com, I created my Birth Chart. I then used Joanna Martine Woolfolk’s book on astrology to analyze my personality traits based on the position of each astrological body at the time of my birth:

natal-chart-brian-nwokedi
I guess I am more than just a hardworking Virgo!

As you can see from the above, I am so much more than a hard-working Virgo. There were definitely aspects of my personality that surprised me, and others that confirmed what I already knew about myself. But all in all, spending some time analyzing myself through the lens of astrology helped me understand a lot of factors that have interacted to shape my life, for good and for bad!

In Closing

Roughly 30% of Americans believe in the merits of astrology as a whole. I, like most people, doubted the validity of the practice given the rise of pop astrology and horoscopes in mainstream magazines and newspapers. But having spent some time reading The Only Astrology Book You’ll Ever Need, and analyzing my Birth Chart, I can definitely say that there is way more to astrology than I realized before.

People might say that astrology suffers from the confirmation bias as we seek to confirm pre-existing theories or beliefs about self. Though they may be a hint of truth to that, it’s hard to deny the point that there are influences beyond our controls. Whichever higher power you place your faith in, the constant drive to understand self is a ceaseless human desire. 

The ultimate reason astrology exists is to answer questions about the self. I have learned that there are so many more dimensions of my being. I hope that after reading this post you will open up to a new way of looking at yourself. Invest some time with astrology and see what you will learn about yourself.

The Extras

Brian Nwokedi’s Book Review on Goodreads

Direct Link to Book: The Only Astrology Book You’ll Ever Need

The Female Brain

Introduction

Google the phrase “differences between men and women” and you will get close to 572 million results. It’s a topic that is as old as time, but Louann Brizendine’s Female Brain focuses these differences squarely on our brains. From birth, “boy-behavior” and “girl-behavior” is hardwired into the brain, thus making us much more predictable than we think.

The Female Brain was written in 2007 during the rising tide of behavioral and neuroscientific research, and is a fascinating read for anyone interested in better understanding some of the whys behind female and male behavior. In the following write up, I will unpack some of the gender specific behavioral differences that are driven by the “simple” biological differences between the female and male brain.

Blame it on Testosterone, Estrogen, and Progesterone

As Louann Brizendine details in the Female Brain, there are no neutral unisex brains. Hormones make our brains uniquely female and male. The specific three hormones that drive most of the brain differences between the sexes are: (1) Testosterone (2) Estrogen (3) Progesterone. The deeper science between these three hormones aren’t relevant for this post but what is relevant is the specific role each of these hormones plays in the development of the female and male brain. 

The rising tides of estrogen and progesterone assure that all female-specific brain circuits become more sensitive to emotional nuance such as approval or disapproval and acceptance or rejection. Female brains are programmed to prioritize connecting, bonding and keeping the peace. In direct contrast, testosterone has been shown to decrease the communication-specific brain circuits in the male brain, often leading men to seek out conflict and decreased socialization. Literally, the differences in the sexes come down to the hormone levels in females and males which determine the parts of our brains that are primed for different types of behaviors.


The Female and Male Brains

Over the millions of years that humans have walked on this Earth, female and male brains have evolved along some of the following lines:

  • The amygdala is the brain’s center for fear, anger, and aggression and it’s physically larger in men.
  • The prefrontal cortex is the brain’s center for planning, decision-making, problem solving, and self-control and it’s relatively larger in women.
  • Most neural connections in the male brain run between the front and back parts of the same brain hemisphere, which accounts for the better spatial skills and motor (muscle) control in men
  • Many more neural connections go from side to side across the left and right hemispheres of the female brain. This accounts for women’s better verbal skills and intuitive abilities.

The male brain has larger centers for aggression and action and is wired for pursuits that require solitary work. The male brain is finely tuned to sense threats, connect through sex, react quickly, and respond directly to spoken cues of others.

The female brain has larger centers for nurturing, communicating and forming social bonds, and is wired for pursuits that require interaction with others. The female brain is finely tuned to read faces, hear emotion in tones of voice, and respond to unspoken cues of others.

In Closing

It’s not that men and women are from two different planets as John Gray wrote in 1992. It’s more simply that women and men have different brain realities caused by differences in testosterone, estrogen, and progesterone. These hormonal differences give women the edge when it comes to connecting emotionally, observing fully, and communicating effectively, and thus are ultimately better at sustaining deeper relationships with others. So the next time you have a communication disagreement with someone of the other sex or have a challenging time understanding their point of view, remember to give yourself a bit of grace because “boy-behaviors” and “girl-behaviors” are simply hardwired into our brains at birth.


Extras

Brian Nwokedi’s Book Review on Goodreads
Direct Link to Book: The Female Brain
Author’s Website: Louann Brizendine, MD
Author’s Twitter: @drlouann

Video: Louann Brizendine at TEDxBerkeley

Nudge: Improving Decisions About Health, Wealth, and Happiness

Introduction

Human behavior is one of the hardest things to predict and understand. And the more we learn about ourselves, the more we realize that our decision making is very flawed. To put it bluntly, humans do not make decisions in a rational and truly thoughtful way. We are very flawed thinkers who have tendencies to make suboptimal decisions. Consequently, “nudges” can be used to alter our behavior towards more optimal outcomes.
Nudge was written in 2008 by the father of behavioral economics Richard Thaler with help from Cass Sunstein. As a major challenge to the concept of traditional Economic Man (Homo economicus), Nudge rejects this hyper-rational model of the individual. Instead it posits that individuals are simply Humans plagued with automatic thinking, biases, prejudices, irrationality, and uncertainty in their decision making.
The following picture from Raconteur summarizes just a few of our cognitive biases:
 

Humans are Humans … We Need Help (Nudges)

The entire premise of this book lies in the fact that Humans are not Economic Man. We don’t make unbiased forecasts. We don’t choose unfailingly well. And consequently, we need help to make more rational and optimal decisions in our lives. Enter the Nudge.
The simplest definition of a nudge is any factor that significantly alters the behavior of Humans in a predictable way without forbidding any options or significantly changing their economic incentives.

The key factor in the nudge is that it’s not a coercive action. Its focus is on trying to influence choices that will make Humans better off in the short and long terms. Thaler and Sunstein really believe that people should be free to do what they like and even opt into undesirable arrangements if they really want to. As policy makers and private institutions then, it’s on us to make it easier for people to exercise this freedom in the direction that makes their lives better, which is why we use the nudge. 
 

How We Set Up Choice Matters as Well

Because Humans are not Economic Man, the manner in which choices are presented to us can greatly influence our decisions. The best way to explain this concept (choice architecture) is to think through how food is offered in a cafeteria. By moving healthy food forward to the beginning of the line or to eye level, choice architects can greatly impact the frequency with which healthier food is chosen. It’s the same reason why retailers put impulse buy items near checkout and why they move items throughout their stores from place to place.
As a choice architect, you have the ability to influence outcomes simply by how you lay out and present options. Small yet seemingly insignificant details will have major impacts on people’s behavior.
 

In Closing

Humans have a tendency to move towards a state of inertia, and given this we don’t always make the decisions that are in our best interest. To quote the Guardian, “real men and women are inconsistent, ill-informed, weak-willed, and lazy. We can’t be bothered to fill out the form that would get us in the company pension plan, we forget to cancel subscriptions and we slump on the sofa eating doughnuts when we should be doing yoga. We are virtually incapable of balancing the temptations of today with the rewards of tomorrow; for some of us, even instant gratification isn’t quite quick enough.”
Nudges can save us from our inability to act rationally and the core of this book drives home this very point.

Extras

Brian Nwokedi’s Book Review on Goodreads
Brian Nwokedi’s Twitter
Direct Link to Book: Nudge
Author’s Website: Richard Thaler
Author’s Twitter: @R_Thaler

My Financial Habit: Coffee Shops and Lattes

Purpose of this article: to show how my afternoon latte habit adds up and give you some thoughts on things to consider if you have a similar financial habit in your life

Overview

I have a financial confession to make… I love afternoon lattes and it’s costing me dearly! And like many of you out there, I know every single time I buy my latte, I am overpaying severely. According to USA Today’s coffee calculator, the markup on my latte can be as high as 300% depending on the coffee shop. But I will not deny that there is something quite special about a hot off the press latte!

How Much Is My Latte Habit Costing Me?

Based on an analysis of my spending over the last 535 days here are my financial stats:

• I have visited my local Charlotte coffee shops 71 different times, and have spent a total of $643 on afternoon lattes. The cost per trip is $9.04 (my goodness!)

• My average monthly spend over the last 18 months is $35.67

• The most I spent in one month was $81.23 in November 2017

• Over this time period, I spent roughly $1.20 a day on my latte habit.

At a 300% markup, my afternoon latte habit should have only costed $215 if I was disciplined enough to brew my own coffee. This is a difference of $428 extra that I have spent over the last 18 months.

What Could I have Done with the $428?

So, what could I have down with this additional $428? Here are a few things I could have done with that money…

• During the time period of 3/1/17 to 8/18/18 the S&P 500 returned an approximate +19.6%. Had I invested my $428 during this time period, I could be roughly $84 richer.

• Based on the Bureau of Transportation, I could have taken a round trip ticket to almost any US city. The average round trip price during the first three months of 2018 was $346.49.

• I could have used that money to pad my emergency savings account. Recent studies show that very few of us Americans have enough savings to cover a $1,000 emergency.

There are countless other more positive money management actions I could have pursued instead of spending this extra money on my afternoon latte habit. The point I am trying to make here isn’t to pass judgement on this money spending habits. It’s to make myself more aware of an area of spending that may not truly be worth it in the long run.

If you are like me, you probably have some areas of money management that you wish you were better at. I hope my financial habit confession was helpful for you to hear. Please let us know what financial habits you have and wish to break.

The Inner Game of Tennis

Introduction

The Inner Game of Tennis by W. Timothy Gallwey is a book about more than just tennis. It’s the ultimate guide to gaining peak performance in the mental aspects of life itself, and this is a must-read book for anyone who is interested in gaining complete mental control over their self. For a deeper dive into this material, visit The Inner Game website.
Deep within our mind, we have two inner selves battling for control over our actions and thoughts. Self-1 is an egocentric and control-minded being that lives to tell and judge. Self-2 is a natural reactor and learner from experiences. It’s the ultimate doer by nature and can be seen as our subconscious mind. 
 
The relationship that exists between Self-1 and Self-2 is the primary factor in determining our ability to navigate the complexities of this world. Better tennis and life lie in improving the relationship between the conscious teller in Self-1 and the natural being of Self-2.

What’s the Real “Problem” with Self-1?

Generally speaking, the vast majority of us are constantly thinking or ruminating over the past and future, forgetting to live in the present moment. Self-1 overly influences and overwhelms the natural capabilities of Self-2 by exerting control over situations through self-judgement, over-thinking, and trying too hard. This constant thinking, assessing, and judging are the real problem with Self-1.
 
 

One Major Key to Overcoming Self-1 … Let Go of Self-Judgement

Judgement is the act of assigning a negative or positive value to an event, and are thus very much personal in nature. Our judgements start with our thinking process and can easily spiral out of control as our ego reacts to sights, sounds, feeling and thoughts within our experience. Letting go of judgements doesn’t men ignoring errors. It simply means learning to see events as they are and not adding anything to them (i.e. positive or negative values).

Concluding Thoughts…

The world is rapidly changing every single day and this change can feel at times unsettling. The Inner Game of Tennis offers indispensable tools that when put into practice, will give you the ability to remain calm in the midst of this rapid and unsettling change. The ultimate goal of winning the inner game is to overcome the telling nature of Self-1 to allow the Doer of Self-2 to dictate your actions.  
 

Extras…

 
Brian Nwokedi’s Book Review on Goodreads
Brian Nwokedi’s Twitter
Direct Link to Book: The Inner Game of Tennis
Author’s Website: THE INNER GAME
Author’s Twitter: @the_innergame
Video on Quieting Self-1